Seven Sins

The screams were echoing in my ears,
the loud, vacant sirens of pain;
one pain of which i was the victim,
the other of which i was the cause...

they become louder and louder,
the thrum of my cruelties that made my skin crawl.
the fingers on my ears couldn't cut them out,
they penetrated into every cell of my soul..

the life which had destroyed me,
and the life which I had destroyed
I thought that the former would balance the latter,
but now, in the dark i sit alone
and the guilt from my sins so strong that
i can feel its stench,
i can feel its scorch- the fire that was burning me...

My tears had dried that day
because now, it was blood that i wept.
that slap still echoed in my ears,
the fissure was now a gaping hole- hole he made.
i could never fill that crevice except with hatred
that slowly burned away the very identity of me.

And when I had numbed everything,
stamping my emotions with ambers of repulsion;
a new life spurted within me-
rising from the ashes was a baby phoenix.

I couldnt understand what i should feel-
the hate for my lover or the love of a mother.
i ended with my fists clutching my hair,
hoping in desperation that i could squeeze the thing out...

And then- i let it grow.
a seed boiled before its sown was no fun,
so i let the seedling grow to maturity-
to a point where it can be burned in my sins.

It was as if i was on a bridge
one side there was love,
on the other-hate
my feet turned towards the latter of their own accord
my heart would have said otherwise-
but i didnt have a heart anymore-
the laugh that escaped me that day was a harsh one.

and then-the final day of my test
I had to make the hate win
a couple of pills couldnt do the job;
it had to be gruesome, painful...

whether i laughed or cried, i didnt know.
there was only one thought in my head-
his baby was dead.
only that my my mind wont let me realize that it was my baby too...


But now, i do.
and this realization wrecks me apart
even the holy waters cant wash away my sins, my wasted soul...

so, i sit in the dreary, dark cell of insanity
and hear the clock strike seven
and i wait a midst the echoing screams,
wait till my deeds become even...

this was shared at http://onesingleimpression.blogspot.com/