Crater
My first haiku?? I have no idea. I wrote this at school with all my friends like "why cant you do it. just give it a try yaar" and... well... i ended writing one... or two :P:P
Would my dreams really
survive; if a crushing crater
falls from the sky?
This poem was shared at OSI.
A very good first attempt! I never really tried writing a haiku...I never felt like it...someday I know I will and then maybe :P
ReplyDeleteBut right now...you tell me to write one and it will seem very un-haiku-ish ;)
Loved this one Kirti!!!
Nice try. It is one of the easiest forms I had to learn. You have to go back to basics. The words have to meet the syllabic format of
ReplyDelete5 syllables the first line
7 syllables the second line (yours was 8)
5 syllables the last line
and then worry about meaning, etc...
ex: would my dreams remain
if a crushing crater falls?
crashed, fades away (verb tense though?)
just a thought, keep at it and you will get better
Thanks for the visit on my blog :)
thanks for the suggestions!! i would definitely follow them :)
ReplyDeleteI think your dreams are quite safe, Kirti. I don't think craters fall from the sky, they are holes in the ground ;) Nice verse though. Regards the haiku, Lynna already has given you some lovely advice! Keep at it :D
ReplyDeleteSeems like writing a poem in the school is a bad idea. i get all the word meanings jumbled!! thanks for spotting the HUGE error Leo.
ReplyDelete