Thursday, March 22, 2012

FROZEN


The warm breeze froze on her cold face; it was as if it were afraid to explore the strands of her hair, to fill her nose with its fragrance, to skim its taste on her open lips. The wind was braver than the breeze; with gusto it scattered her hair all over, plastering a few strands on her cheek where it was still wet… wet with the tears that never seemed to stop.

“Do you love me?” he had asked- it was that 4 worded question she couldn’t answer.A yes, just a simple ‘yes’. It would have been so easy, would have saved her from her present, her past, and her future which was busy in becoming an extended shadow of the former.

“Do you love me?” his pained voice rang out in her ears as if it were only a moment ago it all happened and not a year back.

“And why won’t you look at me!” he had shouted in frustration, confused by her silence, her unspoken words. His every word had pierced her heart, punched into it a million holes but she kept silent, restraining herself from the thing she couldn’t do… restraining herself from casting a burdensome love on him… restraining herself from telling the truth she had to hide…

“Your silence speaks for itself” he said finally, sounding nothing like the cheerful person he was before “If you don’t love me anymore… this is a goodbye then” his voice was lost, defeated.

Every cell in her body screamed at her to stop him. So what if things weren’t the same anymore? So what if she had changed in ways that may not be acceptable to him? Surely he would understand? Surely their love was strong enough to withstand the inevitable that had occurred?

But words had died in her throat and before she knew, he was gone…

 

She shifted slightly on the bench she was sitting; her limbs still ached from the accident that had happened a year ago. She had had a narrow escape from death, the doctors said. But to her, it seemed to be an escape from life rather than death



People had been sweet to her, offering their sympathies and help, but it made her feel even more helpless than ever. Gradually the stream of visitors faded away under her indifference.

She gazed unseeingly at the sky above; it had started drizzling slightly. She wished it would rain harder, then at least her tears would be camouflaged from pitiful eyes.

A man who had been watching her from sometime crossed the road and approached her tentatively. “madam… umm.. Do you need some help?” he asked, thinking she was crippled or something.

She started, her heartbeat accelerated and her breath caught- it was the same voice! Ian’s voice. HER Ian.

He had come back!

“Do you love me Sarah?”

Yes, she wanted to shout. Yes, I love you Ian, and I have loved you ever since you fought with me over a bottle of coke that I had paid for, ever since you toppled my pot of begonias deliberately, ever since you made me smile with your relentless phone calls, trying to win…

“Hello there, Madam? I am talking to you” the man said, gently touching her arm.

She flinched back instantly, cowering from the stranger’s touch. No… this couldn’t be her Ian. He used to touch her as if she were made of glass…

Pain wrecked her again. Why did she have to choose this course of life? But then, she wondered, did she ever have a choice?

The sun came out then, finally breaking free from the clouds it had been fighting with, and as she turned her face towards the stranger, the first sun rays hit her full on the face.

The man was startled to see her beauty- she looked like a princess from the faded chapters of history. Her skin shimmered under the sunlight like cream-woven silk, her unusual features were set into an oval-shaped face which was partly covered by a mane of thick, auburn hair. Her large, tragic eyes were a rich coral blue and her softly parted full lips were like two exquisitely carved rose petals.

But what startled him more than her beauty was the pain that was etched into every entity of her face. He had a sudden impulse of moving away from the sunlight. Something so delicate should not be ruined…

She was not even aware of the stranger’s gaze on her face. She was only aware of the sun piercing her skin. 



First a breeze, then a wind, followed by rain and now the light. Nature seemed to change every time. Maybe it was a cue for her to change too. But somehow she was frozen in time. Frozen since the day she couldn’t say what she had to…

“Do you love me?”

Oh! She wished… she just wished…

She pulled herself together and stood up. The sun shifted and a direct ray fell on her eyes. The stranger prepared himself to get dazzled once more… but somehow it never came. The sun rays seemed to be reflecting… nothing…

Somehow the pain in her face turned blank in her beautiful eyes.

With rising apprehension, he moved closer…

“No thank you… I am fine” she said and picking up her supporting stick, slowly moving out of the park…

The stranger shook his head in shock… the poor thing couldn’t see!



* * *
 
Maybe it is true that love sees no religion and caste. But does it see no physical impairment too? Would we be loved in the same way as now even if we changed for the worse someday? Became crippled, helpless for life? Would sweet memories of the past be able to shadow over the bitter reality of present? But more importantly, would we be able to love the same way as before too. Would carrying this burden be easy?

I have always wondered over these lines. Is love, when it happens, permanent? Would it be that way with me? And does love really never look at the flaws in a person-small or large? And if someday, something does change for the rest of our lives, would we really be able to stop ourselves from casting a ‘burdensome love’ on the person we love?

I wonder… I wonder very much…

10 comments:

  1. I know I am becoming redundant, saying how much I love this since the past two days. But seriously...this was so heart-rending...i could feel the pain.
    And the concluding paragraph was absolute perfection.
    You go girl!

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  2. Speechless! What an ending!
    You must dabble more in story writing, this was a fantastic piece.
    The emotions were built and brought out and described just perfectly.

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  3. I love the story.. I read it earlier too, and I told you my views as well.. very well written and you're becoming good at stories as well. Any plans to change to "Writing from my heart" instead? ;)

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  4. @Antara I know Antz. and truly, i am so, so happy that you loved this :)

    @DS thanks! i was waiting for your feedback over this. i am glad you like this. and yet another story is coming up for you! wrote it just yesterday :)

    @Leo I know. you were my first reader for this story :)
    thank you :)
    and LOL :P you will have to change the beautiful header though ;)

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  5. (For a fact, I surfed for your blog, just to find RM#2 titled post :P )
    But, this one surprised me.
    Not only that, it has elements of don't know what, but changed my entire mood!
    I could totally feel the emotions.
    Nice work, ma'am..

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  6. beautiful story you are totally absolutely expressive! :) Well, true love doesn't see anything it just sees the person we love.. doesn't matter he was handsome when I proposed him and now he's disfigured or whatever... Love is love.. no matter what changes love will not.. that's how it is to me.. :) Beautiful narration..! loved it..and thank you for visiting my blog.. :)

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  7. Extrmeley touching yaar. And the issues it raises r pretty solid!!!

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  8. This was like a heart piercing post! So heartfelt too! I could feel the vibes! And nobody deserves sympathy in this world! We can all work it up together..we just need a strong will power and a sound mind! I have the confidence that you have one :)!!

    Good day to you sweets!! :)

    xxoo
    your newest follower :)

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  9. Been a while since you wrote this. Scintillating piece of writing, Kirti!

    Btw, did you read my Indimail abt the Liebster?

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